Godly Rules for Communication in Your Family

• Keep Christ the center of your mind and communications. As long as we keep Christ on our minds at all times, it’s quite difficult to communicate to anyone else in an ungodly way. Be intentional about speaking true, kind, and encouraging words.
• Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19).
• Verbalize forgiveness toward your spouse, especially in front of your children. This not only heals wounds for your spouse, but teaches your children forgiveness in action.
• Practice the “golden rule” in your communication with everyone.

Ephesians 4:1-3 states:

“I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

Conflict is an inevitable aspect of any household. What distinguishes your family is how you respond to one another when challenges arise. Based on Ephesians 4:1-3, consider five practical instructions regarding the attitudes necessary to foster a spirit of unity within the home. Reflect on a family member who could benefit from your words and actions and think about how you can demonstrate care for them today.

Ephesians 4:14-16, 25 reads:

“Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work…Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.”

Speaking the truth entails being honest, even when doing so involves taking a risk. Speaking in love, however, requires communicating truth with kindness and gentleness. Often, the manner in which something is said holds greater significance than the content of what is said.

Reflect on your approach to confrontation. How can you express, with love, the ways in which others’ actions impact your life? Carefully evaluate your intentions and attitude as you prepare to convey the truth. Bear in mind, you have the potential to inspire growth in their lives.

Ephesians 4:17, 21-24 reads:

“Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds… assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.”

Reflect on the communication patterns you observed in your parents’ home, assessing both the positive and negative aspects. As you consider the communication style you wish to establish in your own home, what guidance in Ephesians 4:17, 21-24 provides a model for how you should communicate?

Ephesian 4:26 says:

“’In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry…”

Anger is a Divinely given emotion. At times, it may be the most suitable response during a family conflict. However, righteous anger focuses on addressing the wrongdoing rather than the individual. Its purpose is to correct the wrong in a constructive manner, rather than to inflict punishment.

What distinguishes the experience of anger from the outward expression of anger? What factors influence the way anger is expressed? How should anger be conveyed in accordance with a commitment to fostering mutual edification?

Lastly, Ephesians 4:29, 31-32 states:

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen…Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.”

Once spoken, words cannot truly be taken back—a sobering reality. It is crucial to choose both the right words and the appropriate timing, particularly when offering correction. Strive to be deliberate in uplifting others and exemplify encouragement and affirmation for your children.

Your home, the most intimate place on earth, should serve as a sanctuary of beauty and growth for you and your family. However, achieving this requires adherence to certain principles. When tempted to act harshly toward one another, reflect on God’s example of forgiveness and choose to treat each other with kindness and tenderness.

Consider these questions: Does your home reflect bitterness, anger, shouting, and slander? Or does it embody the forgiveness God has shown you, fostering a tender-hearted environment for your family? Why not adopt Ephesians 4:31-32 as your family’s guiding principle? Reflect on it, commit it to memory, and exemplify it in your daily interactions, especially in front of your children.